50 years later, still hungry for approval
What about hunger? Like, existential hunger?
Image: Visioen van Helena, Marcantonio Raimondi (possibly), after Rafaël, 1515 - 1570, Rijksmuseum. Used with permission.
Hello, friends! A reader asked about hunger:
I’d probably have been a healthy-size adult for fifty years now if my Sainted Infallible Mother hadn’t peened her eye at 14-year-old me one day and said “you would be pretty if you lost some weight.” So, fifty YEARS later...
But a few years ago I realized that I. Am. HUNGRY. Existentially HUNGRY.
What do you have to say about “Existential HUNGER,” because somehow, I just know it’s a thing.
Confession: I've never really known what people mean when they say "existential." I'm guessing we are talking about the desire to be seen, valued and adored by our parents and significant others without the requirement that we "lose some weight," though.
THAT is definitely a thing.
I don't think any of us are surprised that such a wish lasts 50 years. As far as I can tell, the need for affection and appreciation does not expire at any stage of life. It's a permanent human need. I wish this reader had gotten it as a 14-year-old, and I hope she's getting it right now.
Actually, I wish an abundance of affection, appreciation and acceptance for everyone. May it be so!
But listen. If you have read anything about weight and eating in the last 40 years, you know you are not supposed to seek affection and affirmation from food. We are only supposed to seek physical satisfaction of physical hunger from food.
This is pretty hard to achieve, because (duh!) food is delicious. It pleases us on many levels. Maybe existentially.
So how can we separate physical hunger from existential hunger? I've seen that it's pretty hard for people whose existential needs are met with food. It can take a long, long time. And sometimes it never happens.
A better question is Why bother? I suggest that people trying to eat less NOT hang everything on hunger signals, at least not in the beginning. You can safely ignore hunger signals if you use a framework for getting enough--but not too much--to eat every day.
(That framework, again, is MEALS.)
Get enough to eat, but not too much, and take care of your existential needs without hitching them to undoing an overeating habit. It's easier that way.
I've written more about hunger recently. Here are three short pieces you may find helpful:
And of course, let me know if you have more questions.
You like salad.
Lots of additional salad suggestions came in over the week, especially grains: quinoa, couscous, bulgar, freekeh, you name it. They're all good!
My personal fave grain addition is fregola--but only the Sicilian kind, not the kind that's actually just big couscous. The Sicilian kind looks like it's been rolled in microscopic breadcrumbs. Worth seeking out, and it's great with a can of tuna, a bunch of little tomatoes, some Worcestershire and a mix of all the herbs you can get your hands on. (And olive oil. But you knew that.)
That's the week! Talk to you soon--MWAH!