What kills confusion and denial?
Basic math, is what.
Image from: Vielecke und Vielflache: Theorie und Geschichte (Polygons and Polyhedra: Theory and History), Max Brückner, 1900, University of Toronto. Used with permission.
Hi friends! This week over in Body of Knowledge Weekly*, someone asked about what to do when you do everything right and you're still not losing weight. She admits her frustration level is "meteoric."
*This is a weekly 1:1 email program I've been running for a couple years. Participants get a brief, useful weekly note from me--something that is designed to make weight and eating concerns much easier to work with--and they get to email me back with questions and concerns. I respond 1:1 until all questions are answered! But sometime, like today, someone asks something that I think just about everyone wants the answer to.
My response: Unless there's a medical problem--I don't mean menopause--or some medication to blame, the answer is:
There IS something you're not doing right. You might be doing ALMOST EVERYTHING right, but "almost" is not enough in this case.
I don't know what you're not doing right, but I for sure know how to find out. Here are two approaches:
1. Make a list titled Where is it Coming From? (where "it" is extra weight). Underneath the title write down everything you know that contributes to your being over the weight you would prefer. That's the gut-sense approach. And it might be enough information to get you started.
A more informative, more objective approach:
2. Make a list of everything you eat and drink today. Weigh and measure EVERYTHING so there's no confusion, denial or forgetfulness. Do that every day, skipping nothing, fudging nothing, beating yourself up for NOTHING <- IMPORTANT! NO beatings! 🚫💣
Look up the calorie values for everything on https://www.calorieking.com/.
Then, look up your daily calorie requirements on https://www.freedieting.com/calorie-calculator.
What's the difference between what you're eating and what you'd need to eat to maintain a weight you'd be comfortable with? It's simple math and I can just about guarantee the answer will contain the information you seek.
This is how you can find out what "doing everything" ACTUALLY means. And I don't promise it will be good news. It might be the worst news ever. You might look at those calorie requirements and say #*%& it! I don't want to lose weight THAT bad.
Maybe you actually think #*%& it! I'd rather DIE.
(I get it.)
But now you know, and you can make a choice. Now you've got data, and data dissolves both confusion and denial.
While we're in here, let me be really clear about this: You don't have to lose weight to be happy, beautiful, adored, employed, fulfilled or any other good thing. You might even be healthier if you don't lose weight. (It depends!)
PS Here's another cold, hard fact: If we feel like we are working our ass off and getting nowhere, frustration does indeed become "meteoric," and that often kills our energy dead, fully dead. (Which leads us to abandon efforts, which can result in losing and gain the same few pounds over and over.)
Emily and Amelia Nagoski, in their book Burnout, discuss what they call "the Monitor," or the part of us that's constantly evaluating our efforts and our results and seeing whether they match. The sisters have a helpful discussion of how to help yourself when there's a mismatch--just look for "the Monitor" in the index. I highly recommend this book.